05 March 2013

Live Theater at Home

The main character in scene two
There are a few things I miss being here in Alaska, sort of in the boonies. One of the things I miss is live theater. I was involved in theater when in High School and supported several friends as they branched out into the local theaters in Iowa and Maryland.

Just last week, my kids must have realized that I miss live theater, because they put on a few shows for me, and this is how it went...

Scene One

Curtain rises, scene is a classroom with four student sitting at a long table, most of which have their heads on the table or have their heads buried in their hands. The tallest student is methodically banging his head upon the table and moaning loudly.

 "Why do I have so many re-dos?" he says into the table top.

"Because you made mistakes in your math," explains the teacher.

"But why do I have to do them?" The methodical banging continues.

'Because you need to learn and understand math, sweetheart."

"But why!" The tall student throws his head back in frustration.

"Well, when you don't read the instructions, refuse to ask for help, guess at your school work, and do it wrong, I am going to force you to do it right and learn it correctly." The teacher's voice holds a hint of frustration.

"Ugh!!" The tall student brings his head back to the table to bang it again, with rhythm.

Curtain falls as teacher moves around the table to insist that the other students begin working on their re-do pile correctly.

Scene Two

Curtain rises on a bathroom. There is steam coming from around the tile wall as a tired mother is in the shower trying to beat 'the clock' of the children to completion. Suddenly we hear banging on the locked bathroom door and wailing from outside. Quickly, the mother jumps towards the towel, throws it around her hair and rushes to the door to discover why the 2yr old is in distress.

The child enters the bathroom with no tears and suddenly calm. There is a moment when eyes lock. The child slowly gives the turban headed mother a slow once-over.

"Mom, wut you doo-in?"

"I was taking a shower, Noah."

The child heads for a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Dis yooz coze, mom?"

"Yes, those are my clothes."

The child begins to throw the articles of clothing at the mother.

"Here, mommy, here yoos coze."

"Noah, stop throwing them at me, just a second, I need to dry off."

"Oh." Child pauses, then turns to the bathroom pantry. "Mom what diss?"

"That's a knee brace...that's a cotton ball...that's a hair brush...that's a medicine bottle...that's a bobby pin...that's stink pretty stuff, NO DON'T OPEN IT....that's a mommy diaper."

"Here go mommy, dis yoos."

"I don't need that right now Noah, please stop getting everything out, I mean it, STOP."

As the mother looks at the pile of things that used to sit nicely on shelves she says:
"Oh hey, Noah, have you pulled Bekah's hair today? You know she makes funny noises when you do that!! Quickly go find her!"

There is a loud sigh as the child smiles and darts out of the room to find the sister and her hair. Scene ends with mother, finally dry and clothed, beginning to pick things up off the floor of the bathroom, muttering to herself incoherently ;-)
The End

I sent these 'live plays' out to my mommy tribe in text telling them that I had seen the first act 2x this week in repeat performances, and that I hated the play ;-) Maybe I don't miss live theater??


  1. I laughed SO HARD at the second scene!! My roommate heard me laughing and came of her room to ask what was so funny. I read it to her, and she too about doubled over in laughter. Ahh, thanks for the pick-me-up Kay! :)

    1. I thought for sure he didn't like what he saw and wanted me to get dressed FAST!! I can laugh at it now ;-)

      Hey, Mel, I miss you a lot and pray for you. I need to tell you that more often :-)


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